Learning to Live

"There are no regrets in life, just lessons." ~ Jennifer Aniston


I usually don't get "serious" with this blog due to the fact that I really don't know who reads this and what they might do with the words I type, but today is different my friends. 
Why?
Lately, I have been waking up with a heavy heart. There's lots going on in my life that is causing this and I am hoping that I am finally ready to let this off my heart, move forward, and stay positive. Because, as Jason Mraz put it, "we're not here for a long time, we're here for a good time. Let go and enjoy." 


Let's let go.


This past weekend I had a great time with some new friends exploring new places. No complaining there. I went out to Inks Lake with Karen, Charlotte (from Houston), and Kristin (from Dallas). We headed out to meet Max (Karen's bf) and some of his friends for the day and night. We made it out about 2, met the boys at the house, & started the party! We had a great time swimming with snakes, drinking some beers, and playing some lairs dice. Oh and we almost sank the boat...legit, really scary! Oh AND I learned to sail. It was awesome & I got to cross another item off my bucket list! A new friend Davis and I went out on a small sail boat and I learned how to "jib" and "come about." It took us a while to work out all the kinks and we tipped overboard once, but soon we were smooth sailing and had a great time. You wouldn't know it by all the bruises I've got, but I would totally do it again. 


After a late night with lots of games and little sleep we made our way back to Austin. Karen had rented a party bus for Max's birthday for the afternoon so we had to get back early. About 35 of us got together for a ride out to Salt Lick BBQ. The bus ride was way fun and Salt Lick was a great experience. Overall, the weekend was pretty great. I can say this now looking back on it, but Sunday night as I was leaving the party I couldn't help but feel like such a Debbie Downer. I think I was completely exhausted and thinking about some things, but suddenly I caught myself shedding tears at the bar and knew immediately that I had to get the hay out of there. 


So I did. I headed home and cried the whole time. What a dud, right?


Who knows why. I mean I can think of lots of reasons why. But why? I am totally living the life right now...I shouldn't be complaining or whining about my life. No way. But still...there are things. Everyone has their issues and here are some of mine as of late. 

• I am living alone and definitely have lonely times. I have never felt lonely before. Sometimes it's awesome, but most definitely lonely.
• I am finally (and when I saw finally I mean FINALLY) ready to start a real relationship and share all these fun, wonderful experiences with someone who wants to share them with me. This makes me feel so very vulnerable and terrible at the same time. It's really hard to want this and know that what you want just isn't going to work out how you wished it would. 
• I like to have a good time. I like to enjoy adult beverages & go to bars & dance & enjoy fun times with new and old friends. I love this, but HATE being judged for it. It's hard to be around new people, in a new city, and feel like you are being judged on every move you make. Because let's be honest...as much as I would like to say that I do not care what others think I know that I would just be lying to myself. 
• I love the traveling that I am doing, but can't help but beat myself up for not just moving to where my best friends are and spending all my time with those I love and those I know love me too. 
• My family spends a lot of time together. A lot of time that I am missing out on. Pro's vs. Con's right? You can't have the best of both worlds...its just not possible. 

Well...enough is enough. I am a happy person with a happy life. I've got friends that love me and friends I love. I've got a large loving fabulous family and am blessed beyond this world. God is answering most of my prayers (I'm still waiting for a few) and truly don't think I would change anything in my life. So...I am going to be happy because "most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be" (Abraham Lincoln) and gosh darn it...I am gonna be HAPPY!! Heck, I am happy. I just need someone to slap me in the face and wake me up!

Love Life